Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Money doesnt buy happiness...

We all know how true this statement is. Yet, we continuously try to achieve this.

Are we ever truly happy with our lives?

I often wonder, i mean, theres always something we could change.
Do i hate my job, of course. But i am satisfied at this point because this time last year i was without a job. I will continue to look for a job, but i dont think anyone just stands still in life. When we find a job we do not hate, we will still look towards a better career.
Do i hate myself as a person? Only on some days when i do something that requires me to suddenly go to confessional, but for the most part no i do not hate myself. When things are going good in my life, all the stars align.. Life really is good.

Part of my New Years Resolution was to work on me.......... In my head, for some reason, this meant getting my home life in order as well as my physical me. Meeting the goals for my household you could say. To me, this meant buying the things that i had wished for a while back. My first big screen lcd, organizational items for the kitchen to improve my cabinet space, extra blankets/sheets/towels so i am not using the same ones over and over. However, i realized today as im watching my awesome new tv, i was buying items to make myself feel like i was important in the world. To have a purpose when i come home to an empty house, to have something i had to do outside of the house.
But buying these things has not filled the void. And while i knew that, i tried anyway. When the world calms down, and im relaxing... i still feel alone.

But spending all the money i can spare on material things only makes me feel complete for a short amount of time. And i am seriously craving companionship... i even had the "i want a baby thoughts" which really really is not cool as i can not afford a baby nor do i want to raise one on my own.

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