The big R, Rejection.

Rejection is hard, no matter the form.
Jobs, friends, purchases, companions.

Its hard on anyone, no matter your self confidence level.I may be biased, but i feel its harder when you have a high level of self confidence to find out you have been rejected. 

Its hard to understand how someone can reject you, as you think you are pretty damn fantastic.Some people let rejection roll off their back without a second thought.With others, it is not so easy.

For me, i'm the type of person who questions everything. I thirst for knowledge. I constantly ask "why?"

While i understand rejection is part of life, but as a logical thinker i want to know why something did not work.I do not want to just shake it off and carry on, because if i am continuing to do the same thing despite it failing multiple times.... then i'm just insane.
How can one improve for the future, if they do not know why something failed to work the first time?

This thought process follows me around in every aspect of my life, both personally and professionally.
Even engineers take something apart when it fails, to find out why.

Constructive criticism seems to be a lost art. This is mostly because people are too afraid of confrontation. 
Why? The person is already mad that they were rejected, why not give them feedback.

Yet, we only offer an anecdote/cliche in hopes of calming the wound.

The world is full of stupid cliche sayings that are supposed to make one feel better in an array of scenarios. We all know they are bullshit, yet we continue to pass them along. To put a band-aid on the burn.

Stop putting the band-aid on, just pull it off already!

My house, My home--my reason to panic

On May 7th i closed on my house, now the journey to make this my home has begun.

It has been almost a month, and im closer than i truly realized.

It took me only two half days to move in, the joys of being a single person who already had her stuff in storage awaiting the purchase of a house.
It was me, a truck and one male friend to move things for about 3 hours on Thursday and Friday. We mostly dumped it all in the garage for me to deal with later.
I took the next Thursday and Friday off to unpack, and managed to do so successfully.

This past Saturday, i have the pleasure of hosting my very first party and it was my house warming party.
It was a blast, despite my crazy self running around trying to make everything perfect.

Now the task of doing a million things around the house.

How does one organize the unknown?
I'm perfectly aware that my need to organize everything is just my way of controlling the world around me so that i do not feel like a top about to spin off track; unfortunately, i can not organize that which i do not know.

The best suggestion i have so far is to pick a room and focus on that one alone.
This is fantastic, and gave me a place to start.
First up, the bedroom; i figure since that is my sanctuary i might as well start there.
Ill do a post on it later.

In my attempt to organize everything, im feeling very overwhelmed and scatter brained.
I decided to start carrying around a notebook so i can write down ideas i might have along the way.
At least this will help me keep it all together.

I dont even know where to start with home improvements.
Doing this alone is hard, i dont have anyones advice or helping hands.
Nor do i have the second income coming in.
Oh lord, what did i get myself into.

Oh the waiting

It has been almost a month since i found the house im buying, and im going crazy with anticipation.

its all i can think about!!!!!!

18 more days

Yes, i have started the count down.

I feel a tad silly, im a grown woman after all. Its just a house. Yet, a majority of the days, i do not feel like a grown woman. I still feel like the 22-24 year told girl just starting out her life and having no idea which direction she was going to head.

When i leased my first apartment, i thought this would make me feel more like an adult.
When i bought my first car.
When i bought an SUV.

None of these have really changed my feelings about being an adult.

I know im an adult, i have the debt, and the decisions, to prove it.
Maybe my lack of feeling like an adult really has more to do with the fact that im 31 and no bf on the horizon which means no family on the horizon. Who knows.

In the mean time, i am trying to use this waiting period to pre-play; as we all know how much of a planner i am.
I am constantly searching the internet for a million ideas on how to make this house my home. I want it to be put together and look .. well put together. As opposed to looking like an apartment with all my stuff jammed into.

I have decided on how to do my bedroom.
Black and white with red accents (which is my standard colors but i love them).
I will do one red wall with a wall decal above the headboard.
I need to get a bedframe with a headboard, which i do not currently own.
I want a platform upholstered bed, in white i think; so it will have to be leather.

I really want to paint all the interior doors black, but i am hesitant bc of the dark hardwood floors.

I have also picked out the color i will paint my front door and the shutters i will buy for the upstairs window. Granted that project is months away, but i have them picked out.

Now i am working through the bathrooms in my head.
Someone said i should stick to a basic color theme throughout the house.
If thats the case, then Purple and Red are my accent colors and everything else will be black and white. As those are really the only colors i can settle on.

I have also started a "project list," just things that i would like to eventually do.

Google Keep has become a fantastic little post it app.
https://drive.google.com/keep/
I can make the list on my computer and it shows up on my phone.... not too shabby.

18 more days, 11 until i start setting up utilities and such.
I can do this.
Its just a small step in my life.

I fell in love with a house

After two months of searching i have finally found a house.
This has been the most nerve wracking experience, solely based on the fat i am doing it alone.
With no family around, no boyfriend or husband, i have no one to answer questions for me.
I have relied on friends, who i am so grateful to have in my life.

I decided to open up my search area, to broaden the number of houses i would like.
This took me out to Independence, but i was willing to give anything a shot.
There were 5 houses we were looking at that day, but i had already fallen in love with one online and we saved that one for last.
I was nervous, what if it didnt look like the photos. I knew i would be crushed, but i tried to prepare myself for that fate.
Luckily it looked just like the pictures, and my heart melted.

My manager offered to go with me for a second look, just as another set of eyes. I was most grateful for his help as i did not have anyone to look out for me like that.

I decided to just jump in and make an offer.
I had no idea what my offer should be, i dont have knowledge of the value of homes.
My realtor gave me all the usual information, but this still told me nothing.
She said just go with my gut, and i did.
5.5k less their their asking price plus closing costs of 4.5k, they had also offered a 1k card to a furniture store, so i asked for that.
The anticipation was crazy, just waiting.
I expected them to come back with a counter that added the closing costs into the loan price.
Boy was i disappointed.
The sellers made the comment that they needed to net a certain amount in order to sell, so there was no room for adjustments.
They came back asking for full price and only allowing me 4 grand for use how i would like (either 4k in closing costs or 3k in closing and 1k card).
This had me freaking out for a few hours, do i walk away and give up this awesome house or counter back.
I decided to sleep on it.

Turns out, that was the best idea.
I took a lead from the sellers and put my cards on the table.
I made another counter offer that was for their full asking price, but that i needed the full closing costs because i did not have the cash to cover the difference and that i wanted the furniture card because i did not have any furniture.
My realtor had a conversation with theirs about the "whys" and that i was open to other idea.
The seller came back and offered a good chunk of furniture included in the sale of the home.
The original offer included stove, dishwasher, upstairs and downstairs refrigerator, washer, dryer, pool table, kitchen table, dining hutch, couch and love seat.
This was completely satisfactory for me.

So now, the process starts to officially purchase a home.
Im so excited i cant think straight and i wish it was just done already.
The waiting is going to drive me nuts.
 

Gretel is Lost in the Woods.

Last week, i contacted a Realtor to start the prices of buying a house; through the insistence and push of a friend. The Realtor is his mom, but the push was more of a nudge out of the nest.
He was tired of me saying i wanted to get a house and said just do it already.

Monday afternoon i submitted the paperwork to be pre-qualified for a loan. I am currently waiting on the underwriters to give me the final word.

In the mean time, i am on the hunt.

I posed a question on Facebook and Google+ asking my friends for advice that they wish they would have known when buying their houses.
Fantastic advice was given, some i knew and some im glad to know.
The roommate gave me some good advice too, and offered to do a walk through once i found some houses i was interested in. As he has bought and sold multiple homes, i am very grateful for the offer.

Buying a home is a big deal for me for multiple reasons.
One, as long as i can remember my family has never owned a home. (I did later find out my mom owned one when i was a toddler for a brief moment). Being the first person to own a home in my family makes me feel very exploratory. Like i'm Columbus exploring new territory! And while i know my sisters will feel like i'm rubbing it in that i'm better than them. That is not the intent. I'm not better than them, i just made better choices and my choice was not to repeat the family cycle set forth before me.

The second reason this is a big deal is because all my life, until i was 24, i have moved around almost every year. When i was little, a new house every year and sometimes a new school district. My mom finally agreed to stay in one school district during our high school years. Grateful for that.
Then i was in my 18 and carefree, moving from roommate to boyfriend to roommate to boyfriend. It happens.

But over the past two years, i have been desperately searching for roots, for somewhere to belong.
Like most females, i thought this was a relationship. Turns out, i'm not great at those, so i am seeking my roots elsewhere; in a home.

Now, im on the hunt.
Last weekend i drove past 15 houses and only found one that i was even excited to see the inside of.
Someone already has a contract on it, so im still looking.

Gretel, desperately seeking her Gingerbread home

First day of the rest of my life

Tomorrow is the first day of my new life.
I graduated college last week, and have been lucky to have a job to go into using my degree.
Im nervous, i feel like im going to my first day of school!
I dont know what to wear, im about to go hit up a few stores to see if i can find something that just makes me feel pretty.
Im excited for so many reasons, besides the fact that ill be working again. Its a new start, i can meet new people and perhaps find better friends than what ive been dealing with lately.
Interacting with more people gives a greater chance for me to meet a new guy, and i need to find a man in my life.
I dont even have good shoes to wear!!!

I DID IT!!!

This weekend was my graduation from college with a B.S. in Management/Human Resources.
I started in June 2006 with a little nudge from a manager I had. Now here I am 5 years later and im finally done.

Im thrilled! At first, I was feeling like the ceremony wasnt a big deal. But closer to the actually day of the graduation, i started to get nervous and anxious.

My mother lives up here, along with one of my sisters and her 4 kids.
My cousin and baby sister live in Springfield. They have two kids each. All the family was there, although late to the start of the graduation ceremony, but there none the less.

Regardless of the hassles that came with this weekend, and having 14 of my family members in my apartment...

I graduated, 11 years after my high school graduation, but i still have that piece of paper.